Arizona....
My blog began with a post about it, and it has made recurring appearances in my life. Hmm...
Have you ever noticed that God doesn't let us stay in our comfort zones? I mean, if we are willing to follow Him, He doesn't. Sometimes we stay in them anyway because we are unwilling to grow. When that happens, sometimes He lets us ignore Him for a while before making the world go all topsy-turvy on us. It's good for us to stretch; it's healthy. Ask any fitness instructor. Heck, ask God, because He invented muscles and He knows all about stretching. Can you imagine what it would be like doing a warm-up routine with God.....? Yeah, if you got a weird mental image of sweatbands and stuff then we were totally just in the same place. Thanks for sharing that semi-awkward moment with me. I appreciate it. I mean, I really feel like we're closer now than we were before. And I really hope God doesn't wear sweatpants in the big RL (<-- "real life").
Moving right along.
So, this post is really just a teaser post. Know why? I bet not. Want me to tell you? Aw, you're so sweet, of course I'll tell you!
Reason number one: It's late, but half of my brain still thinks it's only midnight, which makes weird things come out of my fingers onto the keyboard and then onto the screen.
Reason number two: I really do have a super-cool post in mind that I want to write, but I got sidetracked by the new template designs, as you can see by my new and rad page.
Reason number three: I can't, in my current mental state, effectively relate all the stellar points I want to make and drive home the many "Dude, God did this" moments, so I want to wait until later, when I can.
(crap. i just talked myself up so now I have to bring it.)
Basically, the whole point of this post was to work out the kinks in my unused typing muscles and let everyone who reads this know that I am back and just itching to write!!!!!!!!!! (and just so you know, my face doesn't match those exclamation points. I'm like, totally dead-pan right now. Kinda makes me want to lol and such.)
Buenas noches!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
derrivation of deserving
what we (any human being, you) don't deserve: apologies. forgiveness. love. loyalty. friends. any good thing.
what we (I, you, everyone else) deserve: the eternal separation from anything which can bring bring hope, relief, comfort, rest, peace, self-worth, any good thing.
Death is too small a word to define what we deserve.
what we (all of mankind, including you and me) have been offered: purpose. rest. help. forgiveness. loyalty. friendship. love.
In short, grace (getting the things we don't deserve) and mercy (not getting the things we do deserve).
(I, you, he, she, them) we all have to give up our rights--because we don't have them to begin with--and when we do, we will find that what we get in return for our surrender is far better than the things we tried so hard to hold onto and demand, but never really got.
what we (I, you, everyone else) deserve: the eternal separation from anything which can bring bring hope, relief, comfort, rest, peace, self-worth, any good thing.
Death is too small a word to define what we deserve.
what we (all of mankind, including you and me) have been offered: purpose. rest. help. forgiveness. loyalty. friendship. love.
In short, grace (getting the things we don't deserve) and mercy (not getting the things we do deserve).
(I, you, he, she, them) we all have to give up our rights--because we don't have them to begin with--and when we do, we will find that what we get in return for our surrender is far better than the things we tried so hard to hold onto and demand, but never really got.
Friday, May 7, 2010
This is what you get when you make friends with an English major...
I don't know how proficient your Middle English is, but I've just undergone a semester of reading nothing but (except for a brief foray into Geoffrey of Monmouth's HRB, of course, which was translated, and all the Spanish I read in my other three classes). I think my favorite piece of literature was... Duh. The one with Gawain. I've always loved Gawain. Even when he went through his beheading stage... But this semester I was also introduced to Havelok the Dane, who is a pretty awesome guy even if he is a bit lacking in personality--but who can blame him? I mean, if you had had to go through what he went through, you might not have much personality, either. And then there is Troilus. Sigh. Oh, Troilus. You're almost the perfect man, but not quite. If only he had told creepy Pandarus to take a hike. But, Troy was doomed anyway, so, there wasn't much that could have been done about it. Gawain still takes the cake in my book, but I don't know who would win if he and Diomedes got into it... Thoughts?
Anyway, back to the point. I know you'll all think I'm really smart and stuff and just showing off my expensive education, but that's only half of what I'm doing. The other half is this: that in a very random string of links, I came upon this poem. It was what I needed to hear at the time and even a day later and not at my wits' end, it's pretty darn amazing. If you don't want to wade through the weirdly spelled words, I won't blame you, even though the gloss is pretty thorough. I will blame you, though, if you don't re-google the title and find a better translation to suit your non English-majory taste.
Be careful. This poem might just blow your mind clean out of your skull:
In a Valley of This Restless Mind
Stay tuned for "What you get when you make friends with a Spanish major..."
Anyway, back to the point. I know you'll all think I'm really smart and stuff and just showing off my expensive education, but that's only half of what I'm doing. The other half is this: that in a very random string of links, I came upon this poem. It was what I needed to hear at the time and even a day later and not at my wits' end, it's pretty darn amazing. If you don't want to wade through the weirdly spelled words, I won't blame you, even though the gloss is pretty thorough. I will blame you, though, if you don't re-google the title and find a better translation to suit your non English-majory taste.
Be careful. This poem might just blow your mind clean out of your skull:
In a Valley of This Restless Mind
Stay tuned for "What you get when you make friends with a Spanish major..."
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sometimes I feel like...
...I have to lassoo my brain. I'm trying to write a paper (which is typically when I get the greatest desire to blog, because I shouldn't :), but instead of just thinking about what I want to say and then saying it, my brain won't. It's not that I don't want to, exactly. It's more like it tries to go every direction but there. Like, small group tomorrow (crap, I need to email my girls!), those verses I need to get for my friend (and isn't that more important, anyway?), and I wonder if Tania can hang out some time this week, and Johnna, and Tina, and Candus, because I really haven't gotten to see them much (I should call them asap so we can get together before the semester is over!), my room is really due to be straightened up (is that pile the clean clothes, or is that one?), and I haven't gotten to talk, really talk, to Tamara in AGES (which is totally my fault, ihml).
And after I calm myself down about this crazy to-do list that was not that pressing ten minutes ago and that I actually have other time set aside to do, then there's still some invisible film my productive thoughts can't push through. I think that part is fear. Because, what if I try to think about my paper, and I can't? Haven't you HEARD of writer's block? It's a very real and scary thing. I've had it before. And then, what if I do get started and I get stuck half-way through? What if I can't make some of my points and have to start over? What if I CAN'T get started? What if that stupid, hateful, First Paragraph just doesn't come into existence?
Do you see what I have to put up with?
P.s. I have a theory about research papers that I will share in another post. It has revolutionized the way I think about life. Well, not ALL life, just the part of life that houses research papers and their various friends and family.
And after I calm myself down about this crazy to-do list that was not that pressing ten minutes ago and that I actually have other time set aside to do, then there's still some invisible film my productive thoughts can't push through. I think that part is fear. Because, what if I try to think about my paper, and I can't? Haven't you HEARD of writer's block? It's a very real and scary thing. I've had it before. And then, what if I do get started and I get stuck half-way through? What if I can't make some of my points and have to start over? What if I CAN'T get started? What if that stupid, hateful, First Paragraph just doesn't come into existence?
Do you see what I have to put up with?
P.s. I have a theory about research papers that I will share in another post. It has revolutionized the way I think about life. Well, not ALL life, just the part of life that houses research papers and their various friends and family.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Lofty thoughts and language on a Thursday morning.
The world is asleep. Some of us have been awakened but even still, we fight with half-closed eyes in this dream world full of living dead.
It's like The Matrix.
It's like.... Narnia.
It's like the real, unreal thing that this reality is--life. But a pseudo life without the Truth. A plodding of the Asleep through moment after moment of a grudging and resigned acceptance of nothing better.
Sometimes they are closer to being awake in their dreams than than they are with their open eyes. The stirring to believe the dream of something better, that inward soul-cry of "I was not meant for this!", has been squelched. It hurts too much to hope. It's too painful to consider that indeed we are not meant for this, to entertain the beliefs that pain is an abomination, loss an affront, and fear the repercussion of a debilitating disease.
The squelching begins in childhood almost as soon as the questioning. Children are always more awake but the world and its small-minded ruler deny them their better dreams and they put away their childish wisdom. There's no Aslan, no Neo, no The One, no Something Better, only this life and sometimes the grief of hoping without real conviction.
The trouble is, like my someday friend Mr. Lewis said, that the dreams and desires and hopes that can't be satisfied in or by this world are proof that we were not made for this world. There is something better. There is hope. Pain, suffering, loss, and fear bewilder and offend us because we were not made to accept them. We rebel against injustice because we were made by Righteousness. We detest oppression because we were created for freedom.
Even the awake ones, like me, have to remember this. This life is reality, yes, but only to the extent that we can see the Ultimate Real in it. If you can't, even after you have been awakened, then watch out! You are succumbing again to the lullabies of this lying world. Remember that those most precious, terrifying feelings of hope that a great, healing adventure exists are preludes to the day when the Awakened will hear the words of the Lion "The dream is ended: this is the morning."
It's like The Matrix.
It's like.... Narnia.
It's like the real, unreal thing that this reality is--life. But a pseudo life without the Truth. A plodding of the Asleep through moment after moment of a grudging and resigned acceptance of nothing better.
Sometimes they are closer to being awake in their dreams than than they are with their open eyes. The stirring to believe the dream of something better, that inward soul-cry of "I was not meant for this!", has been squelched. It hurts too much to hope. It's too painful to consider that indeed we are not meant for this, to entertain the beliefs that pain is an abomination, loss an affront, and fear the repercussion of a debilitating disease.
The squelching begins in childhood almost as soon as the questioning. Children are always more awake but the world and its small-minded ruler deny them their better dreams and they put away their childish wisdom. There's no Aslan, no Neo, no The One, no Something Better, only this life and sometimes the grief of hoping without real conviction.
The trouble is, like my someday friend Mr. Lewis said, that the dreams and desires and hopes that can't be satisfied in or by this world are proof that we were not made for this world. There is something better. There is hope. Pain, suffering, loss, and fear bewilder and offend us because we were not made to accept them. We rebel against injustice because we were made by Righteousness. We detest oppression because we were created for freedom.
Even the awake ones, like me, have to remember this. This life is reality, yes, but only to the extent that we can see the Ultimate Real in it. If you can't, even after you have been awakened, then watch out! You are succumbing again to the lullabies of this lying world. Remember that those most precious, terrifying feelings of hope that a great, healing adventure exists are preludes to the day when the Awakened will hear the words of the Lion "The dream is ended: this is the morning."
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